Definiton obtained from Merriam-Webster Online:
ADDICTION
noun1 : the quality or state of being addicted <addiction to reading>2 : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful
How vague?
How enigmatic?
How ambiguous?
How undefinable?
A definition obtained from a dictionary, obscure as it is, can not describe the complexity of impact an addicted person has on a family.
HEROIN
nounEtymology: from Heroin, a trademark: a strongly physiologically addictive narcotic C21H23NO5 that is made by acetylation of but is more potent than morphine and that is prohibited for medical use in the United States but is used illicitly for its euphoric effects
The filthy dirty word.
The homewrecker.
My cousin’s drug of choice.
I awake in the morning at 7:00, I have only been sleeping 3 hours (plagued by night time insomnia since childhood), to screaming as I have never heard before. A woman, wailing, sobbing, protesting her fears of “NO….NO…NO!”
I was dreaming.
I was not dreaming my uncle was at my bedroom door, disheveled, asking for help with my aunt. She was the woman screaming from the other room, she was the one that needed help, she is the one that helps me. I walk down the hallway asleep, past my uncle on the phone and see my aunt helpless and frail on the sitting room sofa as a child, as me, in need. ” I want my son back, no…no…no!”
I was oblivious to the situation awoken to chaos, I had no clue as to what had happened. I asked, “Where is he?, What has happened?, What’s wrong?” In her state of emotional psychosis an answer was not given. I thought the worse, this is what we have all been waiting for, that phone call came. They called to finally tell us that the inevitable happened. Chills made the hair on my arms rise, tears welled from my eyes and fell down my cheeks, shock filled my veins and I just held my aunt. She murmured something about three people found dead in a car. Through her incessant tears and sobs, I could vaguely hear my uncle on the phone, I was able to tell that he was speaking to the authorities.
My cousin has been addicted to heroin for the past 3-4 years, recently, his addiction has taken a turn for the worse. For a while he was a functional addict, holding a full-time job, not creating a lot of problems or crime. Now a dysfunctional, un-employed, seasonedl pan-handler, thief, harrasser, drug-trafficker, sporadically homeless, sneaky deceiving liar.
He has been gone for 4 weeks, not coming home to eat, shower or sleep. Not a phone call to say he’s okay or to let us know where he’s at. He was gone out of the house but not out of our minds or the mailbox for that matter. Every week we would receive a notice of citation in the mail for the next offense he had commited. We were waiting for that phone call. We drove streets and frequented gas stations to see if we could find him loitering, or rather, soliciting patrons for their spare change for his “car without any gas”. The phone call didn’t come. The local paper did not publish his name. We went to bed praying in anticipation to divert the bad news.
That morning on the news, the headline three people found dead in car listed as two males and a female. As my aunt sipped her coffee and browsed the police blotter this is what she had heard, to send her spiraling into that deranged state. It was purely speculation and coincidence, a name had not been released, the police did not call, it was “our” inevitable. My cousin before disappearing, befriended two other drug addicted scum, a male and his girlfriend. These people evaded and made our home theirs for 2 months, finally leaving when my cousin decided to enter a detox program. That program did not work. He released himself from treatment and reunited with the two, living in hotels, cars and tents for the past few weeks. My aunt was convinced this was her son that they were covering on the news and turned frantic and uncontrollable.
This was not her son on the news, the story was poorly reported and was two adults one male, one female and a 2 year old boy. The state trooper on the phone verified the correct information. My stepfather 90 miles away verified the correct information. The inevitable had not happened at least not yet.
As a twist of fate, my cousin calls the house 20 minutes later. He needs money and wants his mom to meet him on the public square on her way to work. She refuses. Not the norm. We are the typical “enablers” as the show Intervention would generically define it.
ENABLER
noun: one that enables another to achieve an end; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior
She implores him to come home. “just come home”. “come home now”. He refuses and says he will be home later. A lie, I am sure. He phones again, this time I answer and began to cry and tell him the events of the morning and what he is doing to all of us. He tells me he is sick. His term for withdrawal.
WITHDRAWAL
Function: noun
Text: an act of moving away especially from something difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable
He tells me he needs money so that he could get “unsick”, and then he wants to come home and go to detox. I reluctantly agree to giving him the money that he needs and tell him I will meet him, take him where he needs to go, only if he promises me that he will come home with me. He agreed. I was skeptical about his promise but more concerned with what my offer would entail. It lead me to the bowels of the city, minus twenty dollars and 1 hour of my time, but my little cousin was in the car with me. He was dirty and thin but he was alive and he was coming home, we could work on the rest from that point. He kept true to his promise, he came home, we called rehabilitation centers. Our hope to get him into one that afternoon was not met. Jobless and insuranceless not many places want to offer you help or treatment, he would have to wait another day. Did he have enough to keep him unsick until tommorrow? He told the lady on the phone that he was doing 8 bags of heroin a day. My $20.00 did not seem like a sufficient amount to support that kind of habit. When he ran out was he going to disappear again? He made it through the night. We awoke in the morning to apply for emergency Medicaid, he would then be able to enter a rehab that had an available bed. An hour ago, he left on a bus that would transport him to rehab.
REHABILITATION
Function: noun
Text: the process or period of gradually regaining one’s health and strength
